This is what happens when you're a vegetarian in a third-world country
“We will eat,” I told him. “Good,” he said… “One thing, though,” the hero said. “What?” “You should know…” “Yes?” “I am a…how to say this…” “What?” “I’m a…” “You are hungry, yes?” “I’m a vegetarian.” “I do not understand.” “I don’t eat meat.” “Why not?” “I just don’t.” “How can you not eat meat?” “I just don’t.” “He does not eat meat,” I told Grandfather. “Yes he does,” he informed me. “Yes you do,” I likewise informed the hero. “No. I don’t.” Why not?” I inquired him again. “I just don’t. No meat.” “Pork?” “No.” “Meat?” “No meat.” “Steak?” “Nope.” “Chickens?” “No.” “Do you eat veal?” “Oh, God. Absolutely no veal.” “What about sausage?” “No sausage either.” I told Grandfather this, and he presented me a very bothered look. “What is wrong with him?” he asked. “What is wrong with you?” I asked him. “It’s just the way I am,” he said. “Hamburger?” “No.” “Tongue?” “What did he say was wrong with him?” Grandfather asked. “It is just the way he is.” “Does he eat sausage?” “No.” “No sausage!” “No. He says he does not eat sausage.” “In truth?” “That is what he says.” “But sausage…” “I know.” “In truth you do not eat any sausage?” “No sausage.” “No sausage,” I told Grandfather. He closed his eyes and tried to put his arm around his stomach, but there was not room because the wheel. It appeared like he was becoming sick because the hero would not eat sausage. “Well, let him deduce what he is going to eat. We will go to the most proximal restaurant.” “You are a schmuck,” I informed the hero. “You’re not using the word correctly,” he said. “Yes I am,” I said.
“What do you mean he does not eat meat?” the waitress asked, and Grandfather put his head in his hands. “What is wrong with him?” she asked…. [it goes on this this for a while…]
From “Everything is Illuminated”, page 65